I Hate The World.

Sometimes I think the world would be better if it were altruistic and people gave a fuck about each other.  Then I tell myself not to be stupid.

I hate this...Like, intensely.  I say that I hate the world and no one understands.  It's as if they interpret it to mean "I hate living, my life is so hard, I have the worst problems EVER."

No, I don't hate living.  Yes, I do have problems, and yes, sometimes I cry myself to sleep about them, hell, sometimes I don't sleep at all.  But somewhere in the world, there is a person that's crying themselves to sleep because they're cold, or hungry, or their 8 year old bones and muscles are aching after working for hours to receive a crap deal for their family.  So my problems look pretty minimal, in comparison.

The thing is, where's the humanity?  THERE SHOULDN'T BE PEOPLE CRYING THEMSELVES TO SLEEP BECAUSE THEY'RE HUNGRY.

It fucking irritates me.

"Hey, I've got a million odd dollars that I'm not using, I'll just leave it lying around when I know that just one of those dollars could change a person's day, maybe their life."

Why are we so selfish?  I just want an answer.  Just one bloody PROPER answer, and I'll be content.  Give me one reason, one reason that will justify all the inhumane shit that happens in the world.

Power.  Why are people so fucking addicted to turning control into self-benefit?  Alright, I have a country.  I now have a duty to look after them and make decisions that will help them, not have them living in poverty while I have more than enough to eat and wear.

Why can't we be grateful, and help people?

Fucking why.

I hate the world.

=D!

Two Of Us

You're perfect for each other.  You both annoy the shit out of me.

D:

Please eat something.  I'm worried.

._.

"Please take care of yourself.  I don't know how long I have."

Yeah.  And then there's /her/.

I don't know what's wrong with her.  I'n such a suck-ish relation.  God.

Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrttttttttttttttttttttttts.

Maybe When I'm Old Enough.

Maybe when I'm old enough, I'll understand why

I need to be old enough to understand.

Are the secrets to life etched into the lines

that map a tired face?

Do the tears that fall from the windows to our souls

mean more than the twinkle of mischievous grace?

Is the rarest smile more valuable than the one that is

given free?

Or are they all the same, a stretch of the lips,

however used they may be?

Can understanding and quiet be more than enough

for one who sits alone?

Must there be loud voices, and actions so rough

as to drive us home.

And what of those you love the most that cause

you grief, and pain?

Do you stand by them with a stretch of the lips or do

you start again?

Hello. I Love You, Won't You Tell Me Your Name?

I'm trying so hard, for you.  I don't think you notice.  That's okay.  You don't even know about this blog, and that's fine, too.  I'd rather you didn't, actually.  Well, I suppose it depends.

You don't realise, though.  You don't realise how much I look up to you, how you inspire me, and how I aspire to be just like you.  You don't realise that I cry when I think things through for you, that I need things to be perfect, and that I love you - And that's the only way I can put it.  What will happen when we part ways?  It hurts to think you won't remember my name.  I'm scared I'll let you down, that you'll be yet another person I disappoint.  I want you to be proud of me, to say that I've improved greatly and that I have spirit and talent and control.  I don't want to be just another one that you'll forget.  I like to think we'd keep in touch, but hey.  Who am I kidding?  I /am/ just another one, and I probably will disappoint.

"Is It Serious?" "I'm Afraid It Is."

Because I didn't know what to say.  And because I never seem to say anything right.  And because I know that anything I want to talk about, you won't.  I know this because I was really excited and you shot me down.  Maybe we're trying too hard.

Now I Know There Is No Other Love Like A Mother's Love For Her Child

Please get better soon.  Please.  Thankyou.

Also, sorry for being an ungrateful cow and disappointment for 16 years.

I love you.

Goodbye's the saddest word I'll ever hear,
Goodbye's the last time I will hold you near.
Someday you'll say that word and I will cry,
It'll break my heart to hear you say goodbye.
But the love you gave me will always live,
You'll always be there every time I fall,
You are to me the greatest love of all.
You take my weakness and you make me strong,
And I will always love you 'til forever comes.

Let's Have A Toast For The Douchbags, Let's Have A Toast For The Assholes.

"No one is better than anyone.  We all have butts, we all shit.  Why should we think we're better or lesser than those around us?  Do they not have butts also?  You be confident.  Don't shy away.  We all have butts.  What you need is a strong heart."

Surprisingly, I agree.  It's been a while since I agreed with anything you said. 

Nevermind Said Your Open Arms, I Couldn't Help Believe You'd Trick Me Back Into Them.

You're like...A ladder.

You'll cling to the edges and step on the rungs.  Hold on to us for support, but step on us to... Make yourself feel better?  To make us feel horrible?  To get people to cry themselves to sleep?  

How am I supposed to know what joy you find in judging?

Describe for me how it feels when your foot slips and you cling to the sides for support, the ladder swaying precariously and all you can do is hold on and hope to dear God that you won't fall.  Continue to describe how it feels stepping on rung after rung, person after person.  Sometimes two at a time.

How impolite of me, I forgot to say please.  But hey, I'm just another rung.  The lowest.  The one you step on last as you come back down the ladder, and then one you'll step on first when it's time to get back to an all time high.

Mad Woman Rain Spinning - For Ferb.

Mad woman rain spinning,

Eyes alight, ever grinning.

Tips of tongues protrude to taste

the rain that cannot be left to waste.

And the passers by, they all cease

their habitual scurry for momentary peace.

She spins...She spins, arms leave her side

As if to pull down the rain, to keep it inside.

The disturbance, they warned "You'll be ill"

But they could not break her will.

Mad woman rain spinning,

Eyes alight, ever grinning.

All The Lonely People, Where Do They All Belong?

When I was 5 years old, my mom always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down “happy.” They told me I didn’t understand the assignment and I told them they didn’t understand life.

-  John Lennon.

OK, remember when Paul McCartney wrote the song "Michelle" and then he only wrote the first part, Annie said. And then he gave that part to John Lennon, and he wrote the part that said, "I love you, I love you, I love you." And Annie said that it wouldn't have been the same song without that... and that's why the whole world cried when the Beatles broke up on April 10, 1970.

- I Am Sam.

Because the impact they had is amazing.

Waiting On The World To Change.

Because I believe everybody deserves a chance.  I believe in equality, and fairness, and kindess.  And sometimes I think "Okay.  Think of what you have.  Think of all the people in the world that don't have a family, and friends and education.  Think of the people that don't have clean water and food when they need it, and a shower every day, etc..."

But at the same time, I'm so fucking cynical that sometimes it's just so hard to be kind.  It's hard to be optimistic and laugh and smile when the world just keeps shoving more shit in your face as if saying "Oh, so you were strong through that, well how about this?  How do you like this?  Let's see you try and fight this."

So.  Who am I, now?

All I Want To Do Is Try.

I shouldn't have, but no one got hurt.  'Cept me, of course.

Boat Drinks - Courtesy of Jimmy "The Saint" Tosnia.

Jimmy 'The Saint' Tosnia: Dagney? That's your name? Tremendous name. My name's Jimmy and I have just one single impulsive question. Are you in love? 

Dagney: What? 

Jimmy 'The Saint' Tosnia: At the present time, are you in love? 

Dagney: Why? 

Jimmy 'The Saint' Tosnia: Because if you are, then I won't waste your time. I'm really not the type of man to impede another man's happiness. However, if you're not presently in love then I will continue my rhapsody, because if I may say so, Dagney, you are most definitely the bees' knees. 

Dagney: Does this rap ever work? 

Jimmy 'The Saint' Tosnia: Alas, in the old days. Now I rarely get a chance to try it. But you haven't answered my question. 

Dagney: I forgot it. 

Jimmy 'The Saint' Tosnia: Are you in love? 

Dagney: Well there is someone... 

Jimmy 'The Saint' Tosnia: But? 

Dagney: We date... I have memorized his phone number, but I won't use his toothbrush... We're somewhere in between and he's crazy about me. 

Jimmy 'The Saint' Tosnia: As he should be. You glide. 

Dagney: I glide? 

Jimmy 'The Saint' Tosnia: You glide. It's a very attactive quality. Most girls, they merely plod along. You, on the other hand, you glide... Tell me about it. What's his name? Chip? 

Dagney: Alex... 

Jimmy 'The Saint' Tosnia: Same thing. Does he make you thump? 

Dagney: Define thump. 

Jimmy 'The Saint' Tosnia: Thump. When you think about him, you can't eat You can't sleep. You forget about man's inhumanity to man. Does he do that for you? 

Dagney: That's a ridiculous concept. No one can do that. 

Jimmy 'The Saint' Tosnia: Girls who glide need guys who make them thump. Have dinner with me. 

Dagney: Aren't we the sultan of segue? 

Jimmy 'The Saint' Tosnia: It's a beautiful month. Just have dinner with me. 

Dagney: Are you going to make me thump? 

Jimmy 'The Saint' Tosnia: Or die trying.

-  Things To Do In Denver When You're Dead.

The Beginning of The End.

I see what you did, there.  Quite clever, really.  And what would I say?  Well, I wouldn't.  Kudos.

I think there's a split personality thing going.

And that's fine.  I guess.  I don't mind.

It's just confusing, really.

People that assume annoy me.  But then again, I probably assume, too.  I'm assuming that people still assume, whilst assuming that I assume to assume.

And the hypocrite of the year award goes to...

Big surprise, really.  Didn't have a speech prepared, or anything.  I guess all I can say is "Fuck you".

I don't want to go back.  I really don't.  I usually can't wait to get back, I'm the one that's so glad to be engulfed by all the idiocy for yet another term.  But this year, how much incentive is there, really?

I have exams coming up a few weeks after I get back.  The whole year is centered around an exam that's the biggest fucking definition of pointless, oh and by the way, I manage to piss off everyone around me without even trying.  Oh yeah, I've got it made.  Shut up and let me be ungrateful for a second.

So do I prefer the house of the hollow and haunted where one has nothing to do all day except listen to the fighting and ranting and is driven to be self depreciative? I think so.

And it sucks.  And I come here to whine about it when all I can think is "I hate this thing, I want to delete it."

I want to delete a lot of things.  But then I'm guilt tripped, or shown the "error of my ways" or some shit.  This is what happens when you begin to lose faith in humanity.

"May I introduce... Miss Sarah Jane Smith?" [School Reunion]

It's sad.  I mean, is it normal?  To be sad that someone has died when you never really knew them.  You only, to break it down, knew the roles they played, the characters they took on, the feelings and emotions of someone, in some cases, entirely different to themselves.  So you didn't really know THEM.

What I mean is...Is it silly?  Stupid?  Because it could be entirely normal to be sad that someone has died, even when you didn't know them, but still classified as silly.

Or is calling it silly just humans increasingly losing their humanity?  Because every life should mean something?

I don't even know...

The universe has to move forward. Pain and loss, they define us as much as happiness or love. Whether it's a world, or a relationship... Everything has its time. And everything ends.

-  Sarah Jane.

Hold My Hand While You Cut Me Down.

I wish, I wish, I wish.

Which is ungrateful of me.  But I do.  And I'm generally a grateful person, I am.  I accept and am glad for what I have, and more isn't necessary.  But sometimes I wish.  And then I hate myself for it.

I wish that life came with a manual.  Or a remote control.  Or anything that could tell you what to do when you're breaking down into small and irreplaceable pieces and no one, least of all you, knows how to pick them up.

A button for when an illness becomes the main priority in someone's life, and you love that someone and wish you could do something but you can't.  You can only watch them waste away.

A button for when you know someone that is so beautiful, and so kind, and you can only hope that you are half as much.

A button that can take you away from somewhere when you hear a scream "I want to die! Just let me die!"

A button that lets you rewind every time you snap so that you don't hurt those around you because you know it's not their fault.

A button for when you feel like you're drowning with the pressure of expectations.

A button to bring the ones you miss near you.

A button that can reassure you that waking up the next day won't be that bad.

But that's not life.  Life doesn't come with "Here's one I made earlier" self-help book, or a "Money back guarantee" every time something goes wrong.  

So we wish.

So I wish.

And then I hate myself.

Stop Hammering The Door.

It's fucking annoying.  And waking everyone up.

I'll Open Up And Be Your Parachute, And I'll Never Let You Down.

But it's like a conflict?

Sometimes I just have this entire...load of motivation and I just strive and I know I can do it.

And other times I just don't want to, just for the sake of being different, for the sake of putting myself apart from the others.

Because I don't want to be just another one.

Because I'm tired of expectations.

Because when I study, it goes unnoticed, and when I don't I "Never study!"

And I'm doing this for me, not for them, but it won't look that way, will it?  I'll be just another one.

She's On Your Mind.

I dislike the rain for ruining our plans.

Which is sort of saying something coming from the girl who has the crappiest immune system but dances in the rain anyway.  Oh well.  There'll be other times.  I just.  Yeah.

A Long, Long Time Ago...I Can Still Remember How The Music Used To Make Me Smile...

And I haven't seen you in a week so I'm all *excitement*.

And I don't even care how the day goes, really.

I'll just be all *clinghugcling*

Aaaaand.  Yeah.  I love and miss you and am very grateful to have met someone so epic and wonderful that can never be replaced.

Ohhhhh, do you believe in rock and roll?  Can music...Save your mortal soul, and...Can you teach me how to dance reaaaal sloooowwww?

<3   <3   <3

._.

He Called Me Insane In A Not-So-Nice-Way.

You know what bugs me?  Nothing is ever okay.  Nothing is ever alright for him, and even when something is, he can't or won't say so.  And it pisses me off.  She's seriously ill but let's make her work harder, let's make her feel like crap. Let's not appreciate the fact that anyone else in her position would've up and left years ago.  No, let's complain about all the small shit that we can't swallow down. Where the fuck is the selflessness in the world?  When did people become so self-obsessed and so selfish that they lost even the simplest and most basic humanity?

I can't stand it here.  I really can't.  I have never felt more of an urge to leave. He called me insane in a not-so-nice-way and I laughed in his face and walked.